Ghosts of the Past

I live in a city that is very hot. However, I went to a school that seemed to be oblivious of this fact. It was exceptionally horrible for the female students. I don’t think there was/is one female student there who would have one positive thing to say about our horrid uniform. To think, I spent 6 years in it.

But even with the terrible uniform, life was good back then. Obviously, we didn’t see it at that time. When people would tell us that we had it easy, we didn’t believe them. And now when we tell the high-schoolers that, they don’t believe us. It’s a vicious cycle.

Then you go to university and it’s a whirlwind of an experience. New city, new people, new life. So much potential. But there is also a ton of schoolwork and loneliness. You miss your family. You miss coming home to someone. So you start thinking about when it would be over. And it does get over. And you are thrown into this ‘adult life’ and you wish you could go back to those days.

I think once something becomes part of your past, you only remember the good. You forget the negatives attached to it. The same thing happens when you go through a breakup. You remember the late night conversations, the hand holding, the feeling of love. You forget the fights, the tears, the frustration.

Also, when you are in a relationship, you will have moments where you will think about what it was like being single. The freedom, the fun in doing the chasing and being chased. If you’re happy in your relationship, those moments will pass. Fleeting thought. However, if those thoughts remain, time to be evaluating your happiness in that relationship.

But that happens with anything of the past. Once my hometown became part of my past, I only remembered the beaches, the relaxed life, the sense of belonging. Now that I am back here, I am reminded why I wanted to leave in the first place. Living here also means dealing with an overbearingly traditional community, the slow-paced life.

I think as long as we continue living, we will always remember aspects of our past fondly. Perhaps, life is tough, and remembering the good of the past will bring a temporary smile onto our faces. And that is okay. However, it is also important to not get caught up in these moments. When you start remembering your ex, and all the happy memories, remind yourself of all the shit they put you through. When you start missing your hometown, go spend a few days there, you will get the satisfaction of being there, but you will also remember why you left in the first place, and you’ll soon be making arrangements to leave. If you’re happy, you will not want to go back to your past. If you’re unhappy, maybe it’s time to be making a new future.

 

Fatherly Friend

I think the most interesting aspect of humans is their relationships. Each one is so unique, bizarre, and special. You can never duplicate a relationship. While you can find similarities, you will also find a few differences. No copy and paste feature in relationships.

One of the most interesting relationships I have is with my male best friend. He is a dad. And no, he doesn’t have a child. At least not that I know of. He just tends to be very dad like around me. Don’t dress this way. Don’t get a navel piercing. This guy isn’t good for you. Spend your money wisely.

In the age where youth are fully immersed in the world of Internet, he decides to cut the internet connection at his home. It’s a waste of time, he says. What’s the point of living, if you are not going to waste a few hours every day on the best man-made creation yet- The Internet.

Also, he is super smart. Reads a lot. His smartness is both alluring and annoying. I think he would be the male version of Hermione Granger. Yeah, that comparison makes sense. His smartness has been very useful for me. He has helped me with my university work. A lot. He never understood my habit of procrastinating (always a difficult word for me to spell) until it is 5 hours to deadline. But that’s how almost all university students operate. Not him.

Maybe, one day I will be able to convince him to write a personal (ish) post, so we can see the world from his eyes. Could be interesting…

What’s in your closet? Relationships!

When you come from a small city and a conservative community, you develop this ability to live a dual life. There are a lot of aspects of you that you have to keep a secret. One of them is your relationships. Gotta keep those private!

This is a recent conversation I had regarding some woman.

Me: Is she married? Engaged?

(I know. I know. I am nosy)

Friend: Nope. From what I know.

Friend: Think she has spoilt her name and stuff.

Me: Really. Why?

Friend: Just boyfriends.

Yes. You run the risk of ruining your reputation because of your dating history. This is so baffling. You meet someone. You feel a connection. You date them to explore more of it. It doesn’t work out. You break up. You get over that person. And the cycle repeats until you find someone worthy of breaking this cycle. Why is this considered bad?

So what happens? We all hide our relationships. Not because we are private people. Nah, because we fear what people will think of us. You start strategizing. What would be the best place to meet so as to avoid being seen? What lies do you tell your family?  Honestly, these skills are going to come in very handy when we have to get away with murder.

Holidays for Singles!

When you join the formal employment sector, it doesn’t take long for you to start envisioning your next holiday. An 8-5 work clock does that to you. So, you start looking at travel destinations and travel packages. But most of these packages are catered for couples or groups. What happens if you want to travel alone?

If you look at all these Western youth posts, there are a lot of articles on traveling alone. Eat, pray and love shit. Travelling by yourself is supposed to be this great discovery that one must embark on. And they make some valid arguments. But there really isn’t such a culture here. Yes, people will travel alone for education or work purposes. But what about for recreational reasons? Do you know anyone that has said I am going to go to Bahamas by myself? Or even Mara.

So here I am. I want to travel. I would want to do it alone. If I went up to my family and told them this was my plan, they would not think I am joking. The same way they’ve been taking my whole “I want a navel piercing” desire lightly.

A lot of people reading this will be thinking if you want to travel alone; just do it. What are you waiting for? But it’s not easy. You are scared. You don’t know what to expect. I have never heard of any Kenyan travelling by themselves. So how do I even plan my trip? What’s the budget like? What places would be best suited for such a travel? Too many questions.  Hopefully, one day, I’d be writing another post, that answers all these questions.